Patient Comments: Antisocial Personality Disorder - Risks and Causes

Question:

What do you think was the cause of your antisocial personality disorder? Please share your story. Submit Your Comment

Comment from: Mercy, 19-24 Female (Patient) Published: June 12

Ever since I was aware as a child, I was abandoned by my abusive single mother and left to be taken care of by my abusive nannies. I had a father since birth until I was 2, unfortunately my father cheated so she had to divorce him. That left me with an abusive single mother. She was never there because she was busy with work and the only time I could see her was Sundays so growing up, I never really had a mother or father figure. As a mother who is never there for her child, you would expect her to be loving and caring but all I got was disappointment and abuse. As an Asian child, I'm always expected to get above 80 to 90 percent but I always get 70 percent. It was a huge disappointment to my mother so every time I give her my report card, I would always get a hit by the belt, thrown around, grabbed by the hair and slapped. It wasn't only the report cards that gave me a hiding though. So many other things that a typical child would get in trouble for gave me a hiding. I had to learn the hard way as to which one was right and wrong. I often ended with bruised arms, legs, buttocks and eyes. Growing up to my teenage years, I was angry and utterly depressed, leading me to multiple suicide attempts and self-harm. I always expected the worst out of everyone. But I was also seeking attention and affection but It always ended quite badly because honestly, most of my relationships were unstable. I either wanted more, I never trusted them or I end up pushing them away because I'm scared they'd leave me or some other irrational excuse. I finally gave up, kept quiet and kept to myself. A part of my teenage years was self-destructive as well. I didn't feel guilty for my lies, shop lifted, I've killed multiple animals because of my uncontrollable rush/adrenaline, been told that I often manipulate people, been called a psycho, been caught watching gore, caught laughing at people or animals getting hurt or killed in movies and I was also told I act weird to common human events. Don't get me wrong, I find myself quite a logical person. To describe how logically cold I am, I'd sacrifice half the human race to save the human race. (Infinity War reference). I'm not sure if it's my antidepressants but I stopped taking them now for almost a month and I still feel nothing. Perhaps I've felt so much in my past that my emotions finally caved in. Well, that's my story and I think that's the cause of my antisocial personality disorder (APD).

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